Appreciation Post – March is for Connor

Unfortunately, saying thank you seems to be an after thought more and more.  So at least once a month, I will take a few minutes to publicly appreciate someone that has had an impact on me.

This round:  Connor

Since I’ve highlighted that I don’t really have a line between professional and personal, I decided that March will always really only be about my first son, Connor.  He was born silently in 2004.  He would have been 14 on the 17th.

I’m part of a slack group that has a channel called “fast friends” and the purpose is to ask occasional questions to learn more about each other.  I have known for quite some time and my responses to most of the questions in this channel only further confirmed this…I have a different perspective.

I live everyday with what people refer to “as their worst nightmare”…having a child die.  I live everyday knowing what continuing life without a part of you means.  I remember the first time this really struck me, I was in an interview and the question was something similar to “what would be your worst day at work?”, I had nothing.  All I could think about with this question is my life without Connor.  Work really can’t come close to this aspect of my life. Now sure, I absolutely have crappy days.  I absolutely get annoyed or hurt by people.  I absolutely get frustrated, even angry about things at work. Yet, when I step back to really understanding the impact of a work situation will have on me in comparison to the death of my son…doesn’t even come close.

I once was afraid that this would close me off but instead I’ve gained strength from having a different perspective. My reality has brought me to my knees but also given me the ability to move forward in situations that might have otherwise consumed me. When you have truly been on the edge, you stop being afraid of the edge.

Thank you Connor.  I miss you every day.